Friday, May 2, 2008

From April 26th, 2008

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Random thoughts, scattered.

Current mood: Overwhelmed

Category: Overwhelmed Life

I'm feeling overwhelmed, overtired and so over this stupid Down syndrome. Everyday I thank God for my sons and the fact that Vinnie so far doesn't have any health problems. But the future for him overwhelms me sometimes and I feel selfish for wanting a life outside of him and his disability. I try to see him as just a baby but the fact that he does have Down syndrome flutters its way into my thoughts everytime I look at him. I am not saying that it's a bad thing but I have been trying to not see that and when it flutters on into my brain I try to push it out. I belong to a little online Down syndrome group and everyone is wonderful and someone once said, to either myself or someone else beginning their journey into this unknown, that eventually we will just see our child and wonder why people might be looking at him and then remember that he has Ds. I can't see that happening, does that make me a bad mother? I love him with everything I have and I wouldn't change him, he is perfect. But society, SOCIETY IS CRUEL! How could I not see the Ds when I will be worrying all the time about how people will treat him? And what about Rudy? I already feel guilty for doing routine baby things with Vinnie, feeding, diapering. What about when therapies are going on full force or if a health problem arises? The reality is we will have to work with and spend more time on Vinnie. OVERHWELMED.

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