Afraid of...

Recently Jayson and I had a rough spot and he told me that he thought Vinnie was getting all my attention. This is true when Jayson is home because he is there for Rudy but when he is at work and it's just the 3 of us Rudy comes first. But that got me thinking about it for a while and I came to the conclusion that I think I need to spend MORE time with Vinnie because I am afraid. I am afraid that Vinnie will develop some crazy thing that goes along with DS and the moments I have with him are going to be short. I know it's crazy to think that way but I do sometimes. I have also been sleeping in a single bed in Vinnie's room which was another Jayson complaint. But every noise that Vinnie has makes me jump and at night some noises are scary and again I think that will be his last breath. So there it is, I am afraid.

On another note my back hurts so bad I am contemplating having some kind of injections and then surgery. The only thing holding me back is the kids because I am sure I would be laid up for a while. And probably won't be able to breastfeed after I am pumped full of drugs. It HURTS BAD!